Donald Trump is the latest person to declare he’s running for president, to the swift condemnations of those who dismiss him as a clown who shouldn’t be taken seriously.
Not so fast, my friends.
Contrary to the naysayers, Trump’s candidacy is in fact one of those times in History when — hark! — the light of Hidden Blessing shines on the countenance of Outrageous Fortune.
You see, dear reader, Donald Trump may be the only person running who can do the job that truly has to be done. The only candidate who can take us back to the days when the president was widely honored and respected, no matter who he was and which party he represented. The only candidate who could deliver a restored spirit of bipartisanship and return America to its founding principles.
You think I’m kidding?
Let me put it this way: One thing that both Democrats and Republicans agree on is that the presidency has become too powerful, with undeclared wars, unconstitutional executive orders, fear among staffers to offer dissenting opinions, reprisals for political enemies, an above-the-law attitude — all with a prevailing stench of incompetence. The problem is that each side only believes this when the other party controls the White House.
But with Trump in office and acting as maniacally as we might expect, the Democrats who mock him and the Republicans who would like to disown him might finally agree that enough is enough: The executive branch has to be reined in.
President Trump wants to invade Mexico? Congress might finally find the cojones not to appropriate the money.
President Trump wants to go through cabinet members like interns on “The Apprentice”? Congress could de-fund some his offices and operations in a way that doesn’t elicit “government shutdown!” fear mongering.
President Trump wants to (continue to) leverage the federal government like one of his bankrupted companies? We might finally get a bipartisan agreement to balance the budget.
President Trump wants to travel around the nation, and world, making bombastic speeches like the naked emperor of lore? Take a long look at the inside of a hangar, Air Force One: No jet fuel money for you!
President Trump wants to turn the presidency into even more of a celebrity-driven, permanently campaigning, cult of personality for the benefit of oneself and one’s circle of friends? Maybe Americans would finally tire of that act and take corrective action come 2020.
My fellow Americans, Donald Trump is here to save us from ourselves, and salvage the republic along the way, precisely by giving us everything we’ve ever asked for in the way of political ridiculousness. Four years of dread is a small price to pay for steeling our resolve to create a better future.
So please join me in supporting Trump 2016: It’s Always Darkest Before the Dawn.